I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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