How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
