Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
