there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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