I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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