y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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