drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
