I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
this hospital has no fireball
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
