Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
