Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
