this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
