i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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