Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
