hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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