3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
