i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
