either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
