Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
