Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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