I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Text me some of your sweat
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
