I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
