Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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