he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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