i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i've created a new STD.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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