Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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