you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
