i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
