3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
