I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
