He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize