Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
