just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize