Did you just see the Batmobile???
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize