Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
