Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you never un-have a 4some
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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