another moral hangover. fuck.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
