no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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