I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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