Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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