I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
