Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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