some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
