Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
