I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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