If i come over, it means nothing
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
