Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
