Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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