Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
