we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
