hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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