I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
