ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
