I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
