Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
