So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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