I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
