she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
