Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
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Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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