the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
