I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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