I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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