I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
