Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
