The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
