Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
