can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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